A Downcast Arrow

 Heyyy guyss.

. . .

So last night was a hard night…

I have this friend (Let’s call him Arrow), and he’s possibly one of the nicest guys anyone could  have the privilege of knowing (yep, he’s that amazing). We’ve been best friends for about 4 years now. You would think that after being friends for that long we would know everything about each other and we would share all our secrets together, right? Well wrong.

You see, Arrow is the kind of guy who is very closed off and who tries to keep everything to himself. He doesn’t do it because he’s scared or doesn’t trust you, he does it simply because he doesn’t want you to worry or care about him. And that’s okay. It’s been hard trying to accept that and know that he’s not going to tell me everything…But yesterday, it all became near impossible.

It was just one message from him that literally changed  my life…And it honestly is hurting me so bad. And I know right now you’re probably thinking that I’m being really dramatic and just overthinking it all, but let me explain myself properly.

Arrow was diagnosed with bipolar towards the end of last year (For any of you guys who don’t know what exactly Bipolar is, it’s basically a mental disorder  that causes  you to experience dramatic and frequent mood swings. Which they usually leave you feeling in an extremely depressed state). And since then, I’ve noticed Arrow changing. He no longer laughs or smiles the way he used to, and everything that he once valued or held precious has long disappeared.                                                                                                                                  As  he is one of my closest and best friends, it has been unbearably painful watching this happen to him. I have tried with every opportunity  to just get him to talk to me, and to get him to open up about how he’s feeling… I had hoped that maybe I would be able to comfort him and just help him cope a bit easiler…But let me tell you this, never ever have I felt like I’ve failed as a friend, as a best friend, then how I did last night…

As I had just gotten into bed and was checking my social media accounts (we all do this, don’t even deny it.) before I attempted at going to sleep, I noticed that Arrow had sent me a message. And straight away I got the feeling that something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

It was literally the worst and most painful text message I think I’ve ever read. I was already in tears and had been shaking uncontrollably well before I even finished reading what he had wrote me…

“I nearly did it today. I nearly killed myself today, Skye. I was going to jump off the building.”

I’m in tears right now as I write this…Not even because he could have, or would have died yesterday, but because after we had been talking for two hours he finally admitted that he had been suffering like this all year and had tried on multiple attempts to end his life…And never once had I known…

I just feel like I’ve failed him as a friend. Like, how the hell did this go on for all this time without me knowing? And worst of all, he could have died and I probably wouldn’t have known till ages after…

Idk, I’m being really selfish for thinking like this when he’s the one who is actually struggling…I should be keeping my mind straight. I shouldn’t be the one who is crying and not coping with it…It’s just so damn hard right now, and I don’t know what I would do if I lost him…I don’t know what I would do.

. . .

Sorry for dumping all this on you guys… I just had to get my emotions out somewhere…

Thank you for not ever judging me. You guys are amazing xx.

Stay Happy & God Bless!

Skyee xx.