#thoughts · Uncategorized · Vents

A great big mess.

So, I just came back from my exams…

Two hours and 40 minutes of just sitting on my butt while staring down at my papers clueless.

There were so many questions I missed. And the ones that I didn’t miss, I had to guess the answers.

I honestly  don’t think I have ever done so bad on an exam before. I don’t even know how this happened. I revised for weeks. I took notes. I sent in the homework. But for what? I pretty much failed the exam. Embarrassingly failed the exam.

I’m trying to stay calm and not stress…But it’s so hard. Because I know I’ve failed. I know I’m completely stuffed.

I’m in my senior years now. So every single mark counts. How the hell did I manage to mess up this bad!?

I think something is mentally wrong with me. Like I’m being serious. I think I have a learning disability. That would explain a lot of those marks…

When my older brother and sister graduated they got the highest scores that are possible. And there will be me…Ughhhh, I hate stress. I hate the pressure. I just hate feeling like I’m dumb. I just hate this big mess.

…And I just feel so disappointed in myself. I haven’t just let my parents down, but I have let myself down. And I don’t think I can fix it this time…

Uuuuuggggh.

I think I need to go find my happy place.

(Blerh.This post sounds so whiny and horrible. But I only posted it because I made a ‘commitment’ to write blogs about how i’m going…So feel free to just ignore this xx aha)

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39 thoughts on “A great big mess.

  1. Reminder: It’s going to be okay no matter the outcome. It’s only an exam and exams cause a lot of stress for people which makes them forget and buckle under the pressure. I’m sure you’re not the only one. If it gets to the point where you’re not going to pass high school you can repeat yr 12 (that’s the way I feel like I’m heading at the moment and I don’t even have exams till next year).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I struggle with stress management so bad…And you’re right. Stressing or worrying won’t help me to remember anything. In fact, it will make everything ten times worse and cause me to panic under all the pressure (which I think I did today oops).
      Yeah, I guess I always forget about that option because I get my mind so set on trying to leave this place! I think I need to slow everything down just a bit…
      Thank you for reminding me and helping me to calm down. I feel heaps better xx.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I totally understand. I struggle to manage my stress levels and sometimes it gets to much and I just want to finish school and leave but I guess at the end of the day we all need to have a calming cup of tea and think about the positives.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Uhm, shameful! Hahaha, I think I’m addicted to tea…
        For Christmas I got this massive set of T2 teas, with 5 different flavours. But I think out of all of them, my favourite one would have to be Melbourne Breakfast. It’s just so warm and comforting, and it tastes like a cosy hug hahaha. How about you?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I love T2 but I haven’t had much of their tea. I love Turkish Apple but so does my brother so I never get any cause he drinks it all. I also love green tea and herbal teas aha

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh gosh I understand! When I was young I used to top the class! But I messed up 2 or 3 times this year so I’m kinda nervous for the exam results 😐 And its okay to mess up sometimes! It just drives you to work harder 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Azura, IT IS OKAY (please don’t think I said that in a bitchy tone or whatever because I didn’t). I know that probably seems pointless, but exams are not your entire life. Yes you might be in the higher years of school but even then EXAMS ARE NOT EVERYTHING. You know what, this won’t matter in the future. You’ll probably end up forgetting about it. And flunking an exam is okay – because it motivates you to strive better. Plus, everyone fails an exam once in a while and we all have off days.
    And if anything, you’re not dumb. Not at all. Also the pressure you feel – god I feel that same pressure even though not intending to brag but I’m near the top of my year. My brother is in the same boat as me, because both of our parents were basically the tops of their respectful years and aijfaifja;sd they keep reminding us of it! Anyway, YOU ARE NOT YOUR SIBLINGS AND YOU WILL NEVER BE. You will be awesome no matter what you graduate with. ALSO YOUR FINAL GRADUATION MARK IS NOT. EVERYTHING!! I might only be in year 8 and still have a fair bit to go, but you will still do amazing.
    + YOUR PARENTS VALIDATION SHOULD NOT DIRECT YOUR LIFE. I struggle with this too but I’m learning to do things for me and strive for my personal best. And if you feel like you’ve let yourself down, then you CAN fix it. Talk to someone, maybe even me if you want to (although presumingly I’m a bit younger than you) and get (pro)tips. And in your next exam you’ll walk in confidently and work the best and hardest you can.
    (Sorry for the long comment)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Emilyyyyyy! Can I please give you this massive hug right now!? Can I!?
    You are absolutely AMAZING.
    Reading your comment, it literally filled me with this sense of peace and calmness (and believe me, earlier, I was far from either of those!).
    How you were able to do that, I do not know. But I am so, so thankful you wrote that message. It seriously has helped me so much, and I really, really appreciate that you took the time to write all that. HECK, I’m TOUCHED you took the time to write all that. You’re 100% right with all that. Exams are not everything. And they certainly should not be able to control my emotions and cause me to worry. Especially seeing as they are only paper haha.

    Thank you so, so, SO much, Emily.
    You have no idea how much that comment has effected me.
    Seriously. You’re utterly amazing.

    (Btw, I Love to talk to you sometime xx)

    Like

  5. Skye-honestly don’t worry, as I’ve learnt myself, worrying doesn’t solve anything! I’m sure you’ve done great, so many times I have thought I did badly in an exam when actually I did quite well! So don’t worry, it will probably be better than you think 🙂 message me anytime you want to chat lovely, and hope you’re having a nice day. Hope 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I know i’m saying all the things that the other previous comments say, but they’re true! I just went through the exact same thing – almost failing a test. And i know it seems like it at the time, but exams aren’t everything. People make them out to be such a huge part of your life, but honestly they don’t define you or what you will become. Remember that it always gets better and don’t stress! Xo Phia

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I got ya! First of all, it is really frustrating to sit on your butt for more than an hour. 😥
    It is okay, don’t worry. Everyone has ups and downs and not always can we score good. Are exams everything? No way. What had to happen has happened, right? You should forget it for the time being and relax yourself. Netflix maybe?
    Have a good day!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, i’m so sorry to hear that…It’s really hard trying to convince yourself not to worry or freak out. But it’s worth it. You realise later that there really was no need to fret xx

      Like

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