(Bare with me. I’m just going to jump straight into this post.)
. . .
“so. do even i have an impact on this world?”
This question has always been something that has clung to the back of my mind. I suppose in a way, it never really left me, but rather just got lost under a whole heap of my other useless thoughts. We all have that pile. don’t even deny it.
However, it was only two days ago that my friend (Arrow ) brought this thought back to the top of the heap. Oh what joy.
You see, Arrow and I were talking in lunch break, just before our classes started. And for some reason, I don’t really know what it was exactly, but all day I just had this feeling that something was bothering Arrow. Like every time I talked to him, he seemed to be itching to ask me something, but whenever I tried to ask him about it, he would only say that he’s just nervous for exams. Which I guess at the time was pretty believable, because I know I was hella nervous. Anyways, after he said that, I still kinda had the feeling, but I was starting to brush it off, as I thought I was just being oversensitive again.
However, it was during lunch break that he finally announced what had been plaguing his mind.
We had run out of things to say, so there was this really long silence that had opened up (Not the awkward silence though. The nice one where you can enjoy each other’s company). This was when he said “Skye, if I died would anyone besides you, miss me? I mean, I’ve had no impact on anyone’s life.“
Now it was particularly this last past that hit me. Right in the stomach. You know when it leaves you with that awful gut wrenching feeling (Gosh, I despise that feeling so much)? Because ugh, yeah same.
Anyways, after Arrow said that, we had this massive talk after school (We couldn’t do it properly in lunch break), and I was able to give him some advice and help him out. But honestly, all throughout the conversation I just felt like utter crap? Because there I was giving advice and trying to help him out, when I couldn’t even help myself out. Like what the hell, Skye?? You complete h-y-p-o-c-r-i-t-e!
Ever since we had that conversation I’ve felt weird. Like seriously, do even I have an impact on people? Because I’ve always believed everyone does, but then when it comes to me I’m not so sure… Like I’ve done next to nothing significant. And I’m nearly 16. Howwwww?
I don’t knowww. I don’t know anythiiiiing hahaha. I just can’t deal with thoughts like these. They mess me up so bad…
. . .
So, that’s the news with me! How about you guys? Do you ever have frustrating thoughts like these? Or is that just meeee…awkward if it is hahaha.
Stay Happy, mmk? And God bless you.