So if you’ve ignored the whole ‘never judge a book by its cover’ protocol and assumed this post will be a shout-out to my fam, then yes, in a way you are correct. However maybe you’ve jumped one conclusion too far by thinking I meant ‘fam’ in the friend context. And if you did do this, it is there that you would in fact be wrong. Because by ‘fam’ I meant my true blood-kin with whom I’ve shared the last 16 years of my life.
Growing up, I have always been kind of shy and timid when talking about the topic of my family (I’m sick of using the word fam now k? 😉) to new people I met or to even some of my friends. But it’s totally normal for a young vulnerable and insecure teenage girl to be embarrassed about her family, right? To some extent sure! However, I was nearly petrified when the discussion would pop up between my friends and I.
I remember one instance when I was about 12 years old and I was just chilling with some neighbourhood kids in a tree at a park. I don’t recall our general train of conversation, however I remember them asking out of the blue about my family and how many brothers and sisters I had, and then having the sickly feeling of my heart skipping a beat and my chest tightening so much so that I found it hard to breathe. I knew there was no escaping the question though as it seemed to echo in the quiet air… so in a hesitant voice, I told them. The familiar look of confusion and then sheer disgust spread over their little faces. In the next few seconds after that, a billion questions and just generally mean statements were directed to me. I felt completely and utterly hurt and ashamed of my family. I felt embarrassed about who I was. I felt awful and I just couldn’t deal so I went home and that night I cried myself to sleep. Even though I was 12 when they said those things, their words still come back to me now when I’m 16. Negative words last, don’t they?
But I guess the reason I’m writing this post today is not because I’m still embarrassed or ashamed of my family and want to vent about it, but rather as a simple acknowledgement or ‘shout-out’ to them for actually being one of my biggest blessings in my life. Honestly, I realize now (and it’s taken me literally 16 years to get this) that if anything at all in my family situation had changed I would not be the same person I am today.
My family have taught me so so much. I have two loving parents who actually care about me, and I have absolutely wonderful siblings who – despite our occasional fights – I know will fight for me if the time comes. And bear with me guys, I’m trying not to sound cheesy bahaha
Yes, my family is hella different to other families.
Sure, we aren’t exactly ‘normal.’
But no, I will never. EVER. be ashamed of who they are again. Even when I’m put in the awkward position of having to explain my family situation to a crowd of people. It can be hard sometimes when you have to listen to some pretty harsh comments (that judgment is palpable bro) but it’s honestly worth it as I’d rather have my crazy and really weird family and people’s negativity than having a normal family with no negativity.
My fam are actually pretty cool even if no one else thinks so.