Personal Blogs · Uncategorized · Vents

A Downcast Arrow

 Heyyy guyss.

. . .

So last night was a hard night…

I have this friend (Let’s call him Arrow), and he’s possibly one of the nicest guys anyone could  have the privilege of knowing (yep, he’s that amazing). We’ve been best friends for about 4 years now. You would think that after being friends for that long we would know everything about each other and we would share all our secrets together, right? Well wrong.

You see, Arrow is the kind of guy who is very closed off and who tries to keep everything to himself. He doesn’t do it because he’s scared or doesn’t trust you, he does it simply because he doesn’t want you to worry or care about him. And that’s okay. It’s been hard trying to accept that and know that he’s not going to tell me everything…But yesterday, it all became near impossible.

It was just one message from him that literally changed  my life…And it honestly is hurting me so bad. And I know right now you’re probably thinking that I’m being really dramatic and just overthinking it all, but let me explain myself properly.

Arrow was diagnosed with bipolar towards the end of last year (For any of you guys who don’t know what exactly Bipolar is, it’s basically a mental disorder  that causes  you to experience dramatic and frequent mood swings. Which they usually leave you feeling in an extremely depressed state). And since then, I’ve noticed Arrow changing. He no longer laughs or smiles the way he used to, and everything that he once valued or held precious has long disappeared.                                                                                                                                  As  he is one of my closest and best friends, it has been unbearably painful watching this happen to him. I have tried with every opportunity  to just get him to talk to me, and to get him to open up about how he’s feeling… I had hoped that maybe I would be able to comfort him and just help him cope a bit easiler…But let me tell you this, never ever have I felt like I’ve failed as a friend, as a best friend, then how I did last night…

As I had just gotten into bed and was checking my social media accounts (we all do this, don’t even deny it.) before I attempted at going to sleep, I noticed that Arrow had sent me a message. And straight away I got the feeling that something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

It was literally the worst and most painful text message I think I’ve ever read. I was already in tears and had been shaking uncontrollably well before I even finished reading what he had wrote me…

I nearly did it today. I nearly killed myself today, Skye. I was going to jump off the building.”

I’m in tears right now as I write this…Not even because he could have, or would have died yesterday, but because after we had been talking for two hours he finally admitted that he had been suffering like this all year and had tried on multiple attempts to end his life…And never once had I known…

I just feel like I’ve failed him as a friend. Like, how the hell did this go on for all this time without me knowing? And worst of all, he could have died and I probably wouldn’t have known till ages after…

Idk, I’m being really selfish for thinking like this when he’s the one who is actually struggling…I should be keeping my mind straight. I shouldn’t be the one who is crying and not coping with it…It’s just so damn hard right now, and I don’t know what I would do if I lost him…I don’t know what I would do.

. . .

Sorry for dumping all this on you guys… I just had to get my emotions out somewhere…

Thank you for not ever judging me. You guys are amazing xx.

Stay Happy & God Bless!

Skyee xx.

 

 

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29 thoughts on “A Downcast Arrow

  1. Oh that’s tough… it is hard not to think the way you do because you are his friend and we are truly responsible for them in a lot of things… Unfortunately, we can only give them support and shoulder to cry on, whatever goes on inside them is something that we dont have control of. I know that you are praying for him and that’s one great help! God is in control of his life 🙂 and remember, Prayers move mountains!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t tell you how much that comment helped me. You’re 100% right. I need to let god take control over this..This is far to big for me to even try!
      Would you mind…Would you please pray for him? That he’ll just have peace and comfort, and he won’t get these dark thoughts?
      And for me..? That I’ll be able to cope with this and just put all my trust in God?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t worry Skye, things will get better 🙂 I’ll pray for you and your friend. you can always say what’s on your mind here, no one will ever judge xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Whatever somebody does to themselves, it is never your fault. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. And you need to take the time to relax and keep yourself sane, otherwise how are you supposed to support them? Do you know if your friend’s getting any support at the moment?x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not sure…He used to be seeing a school councillor, but I don’t know if he continued. It’s just really hard with him because he likes to shut himself off so that no one will worry…He doesn’t like telling me anything too deep. But I made him promise me to tell me now whenever he begins to feel suicidal.

      Like

      1. Well you’ve told him you’re there if he needs you and are being a great friend-what more could you possibly do? If it’s getting to you as well, it’s okay for you to talk to someone and to get your own support so that you can help to support him x

        Liked by 1 person

  4. It is tough to hear about someone you love and care about put themselves in danger like that… I will pray for him and I hope he will be okay. You did not fail him as a friend at all! Just keep being there for him and supporting him. ❤ I'm always here to talk if you need to!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That’s really sad news. But remember, things will get better, and no matter how tough everything seems at the moment, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you’re ok.

    Phia x

    Like

  6. Oh gosh, that’s awful. Don’t feel guilty about not knowing about his previous attempts and thoughts – you had no knowledge of them. Unfortunately we don’t have the power of mind reading, and we also don’t have the power of controlling what the mind thinks. So keep providing lots of support for him and just be there, because that’s the best thing to do.
    And get him help, if you can. He might not want it, but talking to a counsellor about his situation just might be the solution that keeps him alive. And the counsellor would also help you as a friend witnessing this.
    You are so strong and amazing. You are a brilliant friend. Don’t let go, not yet.

    Liked by 1 person

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